Something that has always been an enigma to me is the difficulty that I and other addicts experienced in finding sobriety.
It wasn’t that we didn’t know how – most addicts know the 12 Steps off-by-heart and have heard all the “war stories” and read all the books. Yet, it took most of us years to recover once we decided to try. In my case, almost 15 years!
After I did manage to achieve “recovery”, I became obsessed with solving the enigma. After interviewing over 1 500 addicts, alcoholics, gamblers and others, I formulated the three “core principles” upon which my program Integrated Recovery was based.
The first principle is, “The Only Way to Quit is to Quit!”
Although this sounds very simplistic at first, it is very important to understand.
As an addiction counsellor, I always hear addicts complain,” If only I wasn’t abused/raped/abandoned etc. etc.” or ” If only my father/mother/partner would change …”
This is a fact – if I had a magic wand which could make all these issues “go away” forever – we addicts would still go out and use! Why? Because we are addicts and for no other reason! We have caught a disease. By trying to find external reasons why we use, we remain in denial about our disease and the right way to beat it.
If we hang our recovery on these “rubber-hooks”, there will be no recovery. Attributing our insanity to “others” and believing that recovery lies in, “if only things were different …”, is simply wasting energy. Addicts need to focus on quitting. Quitting is the only way to arrest this disease.
The issues are important, of course, but they are issues – not addiction. They will have to be addressed if they are causing pain – but separately, not as part of quitting.
And although “The Only Way to Quit is to Quit” sounds simplistic, it is very hard to do. Very specific coping skills have to be learned by addicts to overcome craving and prevent relapse. Support groups are essential and a sober, objective “mentor” or sponsor is needed. (I will write on the “Role of the Mentor” in a future blog)
